Not Worth Living
by livinginadream-2013
Summary: Maria has returned and wants Jasper back. Jasper makes a choice that rips Alice's world to shreds.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of the characters**

**Notes;;  
Yeah so I got bored and I was feeling a bit down so this little short story was made. Please no mean reviews, I know this isn't the greatest story.  
Summary;;  
Maria has returned and she wants Jasper back, Jasper makes a choice that rips Alice's world to bits.**

Small feet carried her across the ground soundlessly at impossible speeds. To where she was running, she didn't know why she was running you might ask? Fear. Fear of the choice that was about to be made, the choice that she had seen would rip her world to shreds. She had seen it, seen that her reason for being was about to be taken by some else. Though there was a part of her that refused to believe it until he told her that he had decided to leave. She was not ready to let this part go, she needed to have some part of her that still believed he would never leave her, she knew though, as soon as she turned back and saw him again, it would be over, her world would shatter to a million pieces. Though she had promised him that she would be supportive in whatever choice he made, she didn't know how she could do it now. How she could just watch as he walked away with another woman? One that had been cruel to him during his first years of life as a vampire and she was just supposed to let him go? Alice didn't know how she would do it, if she could do it, but she knew she would have to try.

Eventually Alice decided it was time for her to go back home and face what was waiting. She turned and took a deep, unneeded breath before reluctantly taking off towards the house again, this time at a considerably slower pace than when she was running away from the pain that waited to consume her at home. Taking about ten minutes to reach her house, she broke through the dense trees and appeared in the back yard of the Cullen house. Her breath caught when she saw her Jasper, well, not so much _her_ Jasper anymore, sitting in one of the porch chairs, a grim, pain filled look on his face. It was all she could do to not break down when he lifted his eyes to meet her own. Deep down Alice knew that he still loved her and always would; this knowing only made it harder for her to let him go. She stood still as he approached her, afraid that if she moved she would fall apart. She listened as he spoke, she could hear the pain in every word, she wasn't sure if it was his own, hers or a combination of both. _"Alice, I want you to know, despite my choice, I will always love you. But this is for the best, I'm no good for you, I don't deserve someone as wonderful and perfect as you. You'll find someone perfect for you, someone you can be proud of… Goodbye Alice." _Alice wanted to argue, tell him that he was perfect for her, that she had never been more proud of anyone in her life, but she couldn't, she felt as though the breath had been knocked out of her. She looked down at her hands and saw the elegant silver band that had several perfectly cut diamonds nestled in it, her wedding ring…With shaking fingers Alice slipped the ring off her finger and looked back up at Jasper. Her throat with thick with tears that would never fall, she knew that if it were possible for her to cry her cheeks would be soaked by now, her eyes would be so fogged over with tears she wouldn't be able to see his perfect face one last time before he left. Alice held the ring out to him, he looked confused by her actions for a moment before opening his mouth to argue, she allowed her immense pain become more apparent. Jasper shut his mouth and wordlessly took the ring from her hand.

Alice stayed still as he tilted her head up and kissed her softly on the lips in a final goodbye. It nearly sent her over the edge of hysteria. When he stepped back she closed her eyes and bit her lip to keep a sob from bursting through her lips. She didn't want to make him feel guiltier by showing him how much he was tarring her part. It felt as though her dead heart had been torn from her chest, thrown to the ground stomped on and shattered. Though she was sure her emotions told him enough of what he was doing to her, she saw no need to show him further. Alice lifted her head to watch him walk away, once he was out of sight, she felt her knees buckle, throwing her to the ground as a loud sob ripped through her body. Her small frame began to shake with sobs and tears that would never be shed. She vaguely registered someone wrap their arms around her in a protective and comforting embrace. Alice hadn't known that any of her family was home, nor had she cared her whole life had just been cut from her, and she wasn't sure she would ever get it back. Though whoever was hugging her was trying to comfort her, she gathered no comfort; unless they could bring Jasper back she would never be comforted. So Alice sat there sobbing, losing all sense of motivation for anything, for living, all she wanted was to be put out of her misery…..


	2. Chapter 2

_3 years later_

It had been three years. Three years since her world had fallen apart. Three years since her heart had been crushed. Three years since _he _had left her bent and broken.

Ever since he had left Alice had been an empty sell, her fun loving self was gone, and he had taken it with him the day he left, along with her heart and soul. Alice couldn't remember the last time she had spoken, even shopped. She only fed when her family absolutely forced her to, she saw no reason to though, feeding only sustained a life that she no longer wished to live. After he had left Alice had either destroyed or hidden anything that reminded her of him, pictures were burned, object thrown out windows, things were broken, perhaps the only thing she had hidden away was a picture of them on their wedding day. She didn't know why she had decided to save memories of the best day of her life on the worst day. Maybe it was because she still had a sliver of hope that he would come back to her, he would come back begging and explaining how he couldn't live without her, telling her that it was all going to be okay.

Alice walked mechanically through the house from the kitchen, Esme had greeted her with the usual hug and the whole family had said their hellos and such. But no amount of love or openness they could give her would bring him back, make her feel better. She felt bad for putting them through all this, for making them live with this misery, but she couldn't help it and she'd tried to leave on multiple occasions but they wouldn't allow it, they loved her and wanted to be sure she wasn't going to die. Her small feet made no sound as she walked up the steps to her room where she spent the majority of her time, normally no one bothered her, they had given up on having conversations with her a while ago, but apparently today was different. She turned her head slowly to look at the door as it opened slowly to reveal Edward; she just turned her head away again. She loved her brother, but she was extremely jealous of him and really all her family, they all had someone that loved them in their life and she had, no one. "Alice? Alice we are going hunting in an hour or so, you have to come." In her thoughts she was telling him that she didn't feel like it and wasn't thirsty, but he knew better. "Alice. You are going whether you want to or not, you need it and we all know it." It was true actually; she hadn't been hunting in at least a month, maybe more. Alice sighed. "Fine Edward." She heard him sigh before exiting her room, knowing that he would get nothing else out of her.

True to his word, an hour later Edward came back up to retrieve her, reluctantly, she followed him down stairs and into the backyard where her family waited for them. Alice tried to block out the view of the backyard by watching her feet as they moved toward the forest, this was the last place she had seen him and it was the only thing she couldn't get rid of because, well, she could exactly pick the house up and move it to a new backyard…As soon as they reached the trees she took off a head of her family, open to finding any scent of any animal that would satisfy her thirst. Finally she caught a scent that made her pause. A bear, an extremely strong scented bear, Alice took off toward it, curious as to why it was so strong. After running about 3 miles she found her bear, freshly killed on the forest floor, and what, rather who, was standing over it made her gasp. "J-Jasper?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of the characters**

**Notes;; soo, as you can see I've decided to continue the story **** hopefully it won't suck as I go on and hopefully I'll be able to finish it. So anywayssss, heres the 3****rd**** chapter, hope you like it! R&R pleaseee **

_With Jasper_

Jasper sat in a dark room in a ratty old cottage just outside of Forks. Three years. It has been three miserable, miserable years with out her. Jasper was sure that by now she had moved on and found someone else to be happy with; he could only hope she wasn't still as miserable as he'd left. He'd spent three years tortured by the knowledge of how bad he had hurt her, he could remember that day perfectly, though he didn't like to, it was the last thing he'd wanted to do.

_Flashback_

_3 years ago_

_Jasper was out hunting when she came. It was late afternoon and he was chasing after a deer when he caught her scent. He pulled to a sharp halt and faster than he could blink, she was standing in front of him with a small smile on her face. He took a step back and turned to run from her, not out of fear, but simply wanting nothing at all to do with her. She was his past, she had betrayed him and he had a new life now and he'd be damned if he was going to let her ruin it. But before he could even take a step she had him by the throat and up against a tree. He struggled to get away from her but she was far stronger than him. "Come now Jasper. Is that anyway to greet an old friend?" She said in her fake friendly tone, he knew she had a plan and she didn't like it. Maria told him that if he didn't come with her she would pick off his family one by one, starting with Alice. Jasper had no doubt that she would follow through, so it seemed he had no choice. He would have to lie to his family and leave them, leave Alice. The idea of living without her tore him to bits, she was his life but if anything ever happened to her because of him he would surely die._

And so he left, god he'd caused her so much pain, hurt her so bad. And he would live with that guilt for the rest of eternity. There was no way she would take him back now, even though he was free of Maria, but he needed to see that she was okay, he would be able to live the rest of life miserably as long as he knew she was fine and happy.

Jasper left his cottage, deciding it was time to hunt, it had been several days since he had last been hunting and the thirst was burning at the back of his throat, especially since he was coming near humans. He had gotten better at controlling himself over the years. It wasn't so hard or painful anymore, unless he hadn't hunted in a while. He quickly caught onto the scent of a bear and took off after it, letting his thirst take over him, relishing the short moment that he could not feel the lonely pain that had been with him ever since he had left his world behind to save her. Jasper caught the bear and made a clean kill, breaking its neck. He stood over it for a moment trying to sustain the painful thirst to keep his other emotions away, and just as he was about to bite into the bear he caught her scent. It was the most glorious thing he had ever smelled and recognized it immediately, a smile came to his lips and he let his eyes close as he let her smell fill his senses. It took him a moment to realize that she was coming closer, his eyes snapped open and his smile fell, no, this wasn't supposed to happen, she wasn't supposed to see him again, he was supposed to be out of her life, not bringing the pain back to her. He started to panic, but before he could run she was there, standing in front of him, just out of his reach. When she spoke his heart broke a little more, she sounded so, sad, empty, she wasn't the Alice he remembered. Could it be that she had been just as miserable as he was these past years? He would absolutely hate himself forever if she had been feeling any once of the pain he had felt for these three years. His suspicions were confirmed when her frazzled emotions hit him like a brick. Sadness, turmoil, loneliness, confusion, curiosity, hope, and anger, all because of him no doubt. Jasper dropped his eyes, not able to look at her pained, angry face. His voice was full of shame when he spoke. "Hi Alice…"

_Alice_

What was he doing back here? Where was _she_? Why did he look so guilty, not that he shouldn't, but wasn't leaving her what he wanted to do? She was so confused and angry right now, her face turned to one of anger as she glared daggers at him. "What are you doing her Jasper?" She snarled wanting answers now. He flinched noticeably at her tone before finally glancing up at her. _"I-I came to make sure you were okay." _Alice rolled her eyes at his answer. "You want to know if I'm okay. No I'm not okay Jasper. You left me, you don't want me anymore. How could I possibly be okay when my only reason for living doesn't love me anymore?" She yelled at him, his head snapped up to look her right in the eyes. _"That isn't true Alice. I told you that! I never stopped loving you, not for one second." _She was seething now, he had the audacity to sit there and tell her he still loved her? You didn't do things like this to people you loved, you didn't leave them for three years with no good reason. "Oh please Jasper spare me your lies. Why don't you just go run back to Maria and stay out of my life forever." The words hurt so much to say, it was really the last thing she wanted, she wanted him back so bad, but she was just so angry at him for leaving her and she couldn't just forgive him like that, it took everything she had to turn away and start walking back toward the house. It took all of her will not to run into his arms and beg for him to come back to her. It was what he said next that made her freeze. _"Maria is gone, she has been for a year."_


	4. AUTHOR'S NOTE

A/N: hey guys, sorry for the non-chapter. Just wanted to let you guys know that a) I'm having a little writers block and ideas would be appreciated and b) I'll be unable to write anything for the next two or so weeks because I will not have computer access. So I apologize for the lack of updates that will come in the next couple of weeks. Thanks to everyone that has reviewed my story so far!


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